Quotable Quotes!
by Elusive Magic
Summary: A oneshot of my favorite quotes from the Pendragon books. Short and funny. Major Spoilers, obviously, but a notice before Soldiers of Halla quotes. R&R, enjoy!


**A/N:** I got the idea for this fic when I realized just how much I was laughing while reading Pendragon. So I decided to make a short oneshot of my favorite quotes. At the time, I was reading _The Never War_, so unfortunately I don't have any quotes from _The Merchant of Death _or _The Lost City of Faar._ My apologies on that. I might go back and read them for a third time to get those quotes, but for now this is it. And just in case you are wondering, I've got the source of the quote beside it. Blame my History teacher for drilling it into me. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Quite literally, all of this belongs to DJ MacHale. I've tried to quote the book exactly, so these are his actual words. But, because of how confusing so many quote marks get, only the words are in quotations. Just know that they're all straight from the book. The stuff in brackets [ ] is stuff put in by me to make it flow better, usually. And the little …'s you'll see means there was other stuff between the quotes, but I didn't feel the need to put it in.

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Gunny laughed. "Don't they wear underwear where you come from?"

"Sure," answered Spader. "But I could make a sail out of these. They'll get all twisted up."

(_The Never War_)

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Spader lifted up a fry, looking at it curiously. "What exactly is a french before it's fried?"

(_The Never War_)

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[Spader] "I never would have believed it was possible for people to fly."

"You're kidding!" said Jinx with surprise. "Where do you live, under a rock?"

"No," answered Spader. "Under the water most of the time, but I'm not sure what that's got to do with it."

(_The Never War_)

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"Why should I trust you two?" [Max Rose] asked. "You're nothing but snot-nosed kids."

"With respect, mate," said Spader. "We're the snot-nosed kids who saved your life."

(_The Never War_)

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I looked back at Gunny and shouted, "You ready?"

Gunny was doubled over in the back, puking. He looked up, smiled, and gave me a thumbs up. It was going to be a long flight.

…..

A few times I looked back to check on Gunny. The poor guy was having a rough time. His face looked green, but he still gave me a brave thumbs up. At one point I wondered if Gunny thought thumbs up meant "I'm going to puke again," because that's pretty much all he was doing.

(_The Never War_)

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Like most guys, they talked about girls and sports, and about what teachers they wanted vaporized.

(_The Reality Bug_)

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On the sidelines Mark sat under a tree, watching practice. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Everybody had bad days, but seeing Courtney struggle like this was disturbing. There were some things in life that were absolute. He knew that pi times the radius squared gave you the area of a circle; he knew that water was made up of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen; and he knew that if you challenged Courtney Chetwynde, you would loose.

(_The Reality Bug_)

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"Sterilization," Aja explained.

Sterilization? That sounded like something the veterinarian did to your dog when you didn't want it to have puppies. Gulp.

"It's totally safe," she assured me. "The process kills any foreign microbes that might foul the grid."

"Sure, wouldn't want to foul the grid." Whatever _that_ meant.

(_The Reality Bug_)

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"Eat your gloid, Bobby," Evangeline said sweetly.

Man, I didn't even like the name. Gloid. It sounded like a body part, as in: "I'm afraid we have to operate and remove your gloid." Ick.

(_The Reality Bug_)

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Aja gave Loor an up and down once-over. She then said, "Is Loor a man's name or a woman's name?"

Ouch.

Loor answered, "It is the name of a legendary hero on Zadaa. A woman."

"Really?" Aja said. "What did she do that was so heroic?"

"She killed her enemies and ate them."

Aja's eyes opened in shock. She turned forward and clutched the wheel of the vehicle nervously. Loor looked at me and winked. She was kidding. Great. That's all I needed.

(_The Reality Bug_)

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Courtney looked at some of the geek cloths Mark brought, and chuckled.

"Oh, yeah, Bobby's gonna blend right in wearing a bright yellow hooded sweatshirt with a red logo that says, _Cool Dude!_"

"Give me a break," Mark said defensively. "It's my favorite sweatshirt."

(_The Reality Bug_)

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In the past, no matter what territory I visited, I kept on the boxers. I figured that if the future of Halla rested on my choice of underwear, it was beyond saving.

(_Black Water_)

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Its large, brown cat eyes were fixed on me as it lurked closer. What did the Boy Scout Field Guide say to do in times like this? Should I stare at the beast? Should I play dead? Should I jump up and pretend to be really big and scare it? I sure remembered how to tie knots, but when it came to something useful like saving my butt from a monster, my Boy Scout training fell woefully short.

(_Black Water_)

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"Guys," Mark said, "I think it's time to go home."

Courtney hadn't expected that. "Why? It's awesome here!" She asked, "What's at home? School? Homework? Parents nagging about school and homework?"

"Well…yeah." Mark answered. "I miss that."

"And what are we going to tell our parents? 'Sorry we've been missing for a month, folks, but we had to flume to another territory with Bobby Pendragon and stop a race of cat people from destroying a secret village in the mountains. Pass the salt.' I don't think so!"

(_Black Water_)

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"Hello, Pendragon," Bokka said. "What tribe do you come from?"

…

"Yankees," I said. "The Yankees tribe." Hey, what can I say? It was the first thing that came to mind. "It's a strong tribe," I added. "Respected by all…except for our mortal enemies, the Sox tribe. They hate us. Especially Red ones. Cannibals. Nasty characters."

…

Loor jumped in, trying to get control of the situation before I said something else stupid. She said, "The tribe known as –"

"Yankees," I reminded her.

"Yes, Yankees, lives on the surface in a forest of many trees that block the sun. That is why his skin is lighter than the Batu."

"Yeah, it's a forest called Bronx." I threw in. Why not? It wasn't like he was going to prove me wrong.

(_Rivers of Zadaa_)

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"Bokka and I used to race dygos through the caverns," Loor said.

"They let you do that?"

"No."

Oh. Those wacky kids.

(_Rivers of Zadaa_)

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"To Saint Dane!" shouted the really old guy, who had been asleep and drooling. He jumped out of his chair, holding up his goblet. I couldn't believe he could move that fast. Or move at all.

[Just goes to show what kind of important, proud people follow Saint Dane…yeah, right.]

(_Rivers of Zadaa_)

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Courtney spoke many times with the local detectives and with school officials, answering the same questions over and over again. But it was all for show, because she knew they were wasting their time. The'd never find the guy. At one point she wanted to blurt out, "Look, Whitney Wilcox was actually a demon named Saint Dane who is trying to crush all of humanity, and the reason why he tried to kill me is because my friend Bobby Pendragon is off in another time and territory trying to stop him, and I think he wanted to get Bobby to come home and protect me. Does that clear things up for you? Have a nice day."

She didn't say that.

(_The Quillan Games_)

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When I left home I was an ordinary fourteen-year-old guy whose biggest worry was whether or not Courtney Chetwynde liked me…and if she'd noticed the zit that had erupted in the middle of my forehead like some third freakin' eye.

(_Pilgrims of Rayne_)

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I remember the very first time I saw [Courtney]. It was at recess the first day of kindergarten. I decided to pick up the dodgeball she had been playing with. She decided to punch me in the head.

(_Pilgrims of Rayne_)

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"That thing showed up out of nowhere!" [Dodger] exclaimed, stunned. "How'd you do that?"

"Magic. I'm a magician. Pretty good, huh? Show's over. Go away." [Courtney]

"You ain't no magician," he said. "There's something else going on here. You're not some kind of spaceman, are you? Or spacegirl?"

Courtney stopped again. "You're kidding, right? You won't believe it was phony magic, but you'd buy that I'm from Pluto?"

"I'm not buying' nothing. I just want to know what's going on."

"You're right," she exclaimed. "You got me. I'm from outer space. Keep it to yourself or I'll vaporize you."

(_Pilgrims of Rayne_)

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Courtney threw her arms around Dodger and hugged him tight. "I don't know who you are and right now I don't care, because you might have just saved all humanity from total destruction!"

She let go of Dodger and ran for the exit. He stood there for a moment, basking in the glory.

The smile dropped off of his face.

"I just did what?" he shouted as he ran after her.

(_Pilgrims of Rayne_)

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Aja stared at the wall. I had no idea what was going through her head. How could I? Imagine opening a fortune cookie that said: "You're going to die soon. Enjoy your egg rolls." Talk about a buzz killer.

(_Pilgrims of Rayne_)

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[This quote is from the prologue of Raven Rise. Just thought I'd let you know early, since it would be weird if you thought the narrator was Bobby….]

I still haven't introduced my daughter, Keaton, to Bobby Pendragon. After all, she's only four and a half. She's way more interested in princesses and magic. Every night she asks me to make up a story for her, starring her. Usually it's about a princess. Or magic. Duh. But a while back, she said: "Daddy, tell me a really scary story." I raised an eyebrow in surprise and said, "Really? You sure?" She nodded. "Okay." I shrugged and proceeded to make up a story that I think freaked her out so much that she's going to need serious therapy some time down the road. Oops. The story wasn't even that intense but for a minute I was afraid I had warped her for life. That is until shortly after when she started telling me her own stories that had to do with monsters and running around in dark caves and yellow snakes that disguised themselves as spaghetti. That's my girl. Just like her old man.

(_Raven Rise – Author's Note_)

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Mark asked Courtney, "When did you learn how to drive?"

"Long time ago," she answered casually, putting the car in gear.

"How long?"

"About three seconds."

She hit the gas and the car lurched forward. With a squeal of tires on asphalt, and we were off. Before we cleared the opening of the stone wall in front of the place, I took a quick look back to see two of Naymeer's guards running toward a pair of motorcycles.

I hoped that Courtney had learned a lot about driving in those three seconds.

(_Raven Rise_)

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**A/N:** Okay, if you haven't read _Soldiers of Halla_, stop here. On second thought, don't. Keep scrolling; the review button isn't far.

I've only found one quote that I found good enough to type up, and it has some major spoilers in it. It's around page 460, I think, so if you haven't read that far you might not want to read it.

As for those of you who have read it, please review and tell me what you think of it! I thought it was excellent. I cried, though. So sad, especially the ending. I was one of the first to get mine on the 19th, the day it came out. I even reread the last 9, starting back in April, as a build-up for the 10th. (That's how this fanfic got started)

Well, that's the end of my author's note. Remember, if you've read _Soldiers of Halla_, continue reading the last quote. If not, the review button isn't that far.

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I sensed everybody stiffen. What I was proposing was nothing short of desperation. No argument there. I looked to Aja. She stared back at me. I was waiting for her to say how crazy I was. How dumb a move it would be. How it would drain every last bit of spirit from Solara, and if that we failed, it would mean Saint Dane would be free to create his own universe. She would have been right on every count.

"It's brilliant." She declared.

Gotta love Aja Killian.

(_Soldiers of Halla_)

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See, I told you the review button wasn't far. ^_^


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